November 24, 2008

"I see you. I see the sacrifices you make everyday, even when no one around you does. Nothing you do is to small for me to notice and smile over. Your are building a cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

God speaks to me in many ways.

I would like to believe that everything I do is for a reason and a purpose.

That my life still has a purpose and eventually I will be happy again.

I was told yesterday that I am wise beyond my years.That the strength and courage and logic I have is amazing.

When I talk about everything I feel strong. I can look from the outside and see a strong and brave woman.

But the truth is I am not. I do not feel it inside.

Inside I am deathly afraid and fearful. I am sad beyond words to describe it.

I am afraid of my future.

I am afraid of a lot right now.

I hate to be afraid.

I have to be strong. I don't have a choice.

I hate that I don't have a choice.

What do you do when you feel like you are standing at a crossroads in life and both paths are ones that you don't want to take?

I can't turn around.

How long can I stand still?

The spot I am standing on is hard and jagged. It hurts to stand in this spot.

The roads I have chose hurt too.

I see all the rocks and hills ahead.

I don't want either path.

I wish I could go back, back in time.

I wish he hadn't ruined it.