It's official

Well, its official. My son has figured out that he can get out of his bed without me coming to get him...

I knew this day was coming, I expected it, but now that its here I'm wondering what the future holds.

Maybe that's a little dramatic.

Or maybe not.

My new experience started last night. Bed time is 8pm. He doesn't always go to sleep at 8 but he knows that he goes to bed and if he reads his books or plays with a truck....I really don't care. As long as he stays in his bed because eventually he always falls asleep.

Last night I heard a ton of banging coming from his room. I peek and he is opening and closing the drawers on a dresser. As soon as I say his name he quick runs back to his bed and jumps on.

Obviously he was not doing ANYTHING he wasn't suppose to

Tell him to stay in bed, 5 minutes later, I hear it again, repeat same scenario.

This time I make sure he understands, he doesn't have to go to sleep but he does have to stay in his bed

"o-k mama"

Walk by his room a few minutes later and he is sitting on the farthest edge of his bed so he can see in the hallway, he his technically still on his bed so he's got me there. As I walk by he gives me a HUGE grin. Mostly a "I'm still doing what you told me to do" type grin.

At this point I attempt to talk stern to him telling him to get in bed but I utterly fail at this as I cannot stop laughing, which leads him to throw his head back and laugh heartily.

I guess I need to work on my "poker faces" for parenting.

I gave up and let him be...checking on him a while later, he had finally fell asleep, and the perfect little angel that he is, always listening to his mama...he was still on his bed. =)

Pink, Pink and more Pink

It's a girl! Boedy will officially have a little sister next March! I am very excited but also very nervous as up to now it has been "all boy" Boedy already tells people he is getting a "sissa" =)

Moving day is in 3 days! I can't believe it is already so close! Also a mix of excitement and nervousness, but I think it will be good. It will be so nice to actually be a family again and live our lives together again. I'm anxious for Boedy to get settled into his new life and make the adjustments before baby comes too!

I'm sad to be leaving my workplace. I've spent so much time here the last 2.5 years and it will be sad to leave my co-workers who have become my 'work family' I don't think it has set in that I will not be seeing these people everyday and I am so thankful to have found such wonderful people at work. I will miss them so much and not sure how I will adjust to not being here everyday!

But life is an adventure and I am excited for our next phase. I am excited to be a full time mom and wife and spend more time with my husband, son (and soon to be daughter) I am excited about pursuing my education more and I am so thankful that i am being given this opportunity to acutally do these things as I realize that not very many people are able to. And I am glad that I am able to see how lucky I am for this opportunity and be able to appreciate it and thank God for the blessings in our lives. My marriage is happy and my son is happy and I am happy. I'm sure my daughter is happy with all that yummy chocolate I ate earlier =) What more could you ask for??

The countdown begins!

T-minus 18 days until we find out the sex of the new baby! Boy or Girl??? We will have the answer soon!

T-minus 28 days until the big move. Work has been notified and it is now official! Still a little nervous about my transition from working mom to stay at home mom but guess we'll see how it goes!

I am just starting to feel baby kick here and there and am remembering the one positive of being pregnant. There is nothing like that feeling. I am so far doing well in 2 trimester. Morning sickness=gone, backache? Not here yet. Ahhh....the honeymoon of pregnancy. Biggest issue in my life these days? I have nothing to wear. So I guess I'm doing pretty d@mn good!

Mission for this weekend...maternity shopping!! I wouldn't say I'm excited about expanding my wardrobe with expanding clothes but it will sure be nice to have more than 1 pair of pants that fit!

And lastly? My adorable little 2 year old...who is never difficult and always does exactly what i want him to do when I want him to do it. (sarcasm inserted here)

sickness

Nausea is part of my everyday. I wouldn't say that I enjoy this but I do enjoy the fact that a new life is growing because of it. A few short weeks and hopefully I can get to just eating, normally, and in large quantities.

this weekend I had big plans to make a quick trip to Fargo to pick up a few shirts to continually hide my "thickening" waist.
Literally, as we were coming into Fargo Boedy threw up, on himself, in the car. I chalked it up to a little car sickness, mostly because the idea of turning right back around after driving 50 miles was not something I was willing to do.
I cleaned him up, and decided that shopping for a new shirt was also in order due to the stench that was now radiating off my child.

We were in Target for about 10 minutes and he threw up again. In the cart. On the items in the cart. On himself. Alright, maybe not car sickness, but he was acting fine, so of course, lets continue the shopping.
Made it through the trip and sat down to eat and again...all over the floor...not just a little this time.
I made the executive decision that it was time to go.
Again, I had to go to a Target employee and let them know what my child had just done..again. I think they really like us there.

A drive home and a 4 hour nap later...everything's fine!

However, I did not get any shirts.

Changes, Changes, Changes

I keep having this dream that I will begin to blog on a regular basis and have important parts of our lives forever documented. I'm obviously really great at that so far...

Changes are the word of the week, month and year.

This past weekend we moved EVERYTHING out of our old house. And into the new house 3 hours away. This is all still sinking in, although was a little more real as I sat in the new house (which is smaller than the old one) and tried to figure out where the heck I was going to put everything. Currently most things are in one bedroom with the door shut. Of course to add to this mess, Hubby is living up there, Boedy and I are still 3 hours away living with my parents and I know nothing more at all from the military about a deployment. The idea being that if hubby gets deployed soon rather then later we would be with my parents during that time instead of in a new town knowing no one for the entire deployment. I know the military well enough by now that our family's plans don't make a whole lot of difference either way so for now we continue on this crazy back and forth pattern, although I'm starting to wonder how much longer i can really keep it up. Pray for SOME kind of news soon.

To add to our current stress is excitement is a new little life! Next March we will be a family of 4! I'm still letting that news sink in also. Nothing seems quite real yet, but we're pretty excited. I'm anxiously awaiting a first doctor's appointment in 25 days. Seems like forever! But with so much going on I'm thinking the entire pregnancy will fly by (at least that is my hope)

Hubby just left for his annual training so we won't see him for about 3 weeks. We continue to move forward with our relationship and enjoy each other and our marriage. I still can't forget what a miracle that is and am blessed to be able to see it everyday of my life.

Back to work...I can't avoid it forever.

I am praying about deployment news, for my son and his well being during all these changes, the new life that is growing inside me, and don't forget for my own sanity during all the craziness!

Heavy Heart

I have learned that my godparents are getting divorced. I feel such a heaviness on my chest and have trouble breathing when I think about it. It seems he has been unfaithful and just walked away, after 27 years of marriage.

I read my godmother's words of her pain and I can't help but feel her pain with her. I have been there, seen those dark days and lonely nights. It is a feeling you do not wish on anyone or anything. Betrayal, loss, anger, sadness, grief, pain, numbness. I remember those feelings all to well and I hate seeing someone I care so much about go through it now.

I've reached out to her as someone who understands. I felt this urging to reach out to her and be that person, just because I know how important it was to me when I finally found someone who understood me. I had lots of family and friends THERE for me, but I needed someone who UNDERSTOOD me. I know it was God pushing me to be there in this situation. That maybe good things can come out of horrible situations.
I feel so lucky that my marriage has come to the point it has and that the last couple years have been survived and are most importantly behind us. I love my husband more than anything and our relationship is at a better point than it has ever been....but the road to get to where we are now?

Not pretty.

At All.

And we're still traveling that road,not even close to the end and we are not anywhere near perfect. I think we will always be traveling the road. I think we should always be striving to make our marriage better and better.

never in my life would I go back to those dark days. God only knows how I got through so many of the hard times because some of them I can't even clearly remember.

I feel all these emotions running back through me and I hate it, but it is different this time because it is not me...but someone who means so much to me.

It is different to be on the other side, but yet I still understand the darkness.

I sometimes feel like I can't breathe again.

I hate this, I hate that she is going through this, I hate him for doing this, And I am scared that I will never see him again at the same time.

I am praying for the right words to say to her so that I can help. I feel so helpless even though I KNOW my words can make a difference. Please pray that I get them right.

Slacker

I've been majorly slacking on updating my blog. Unfortunately I've also slacked on starting the Love Dare and am upset I haven't started that either.

I shouldn't need the daily encouragement to make my marriage better, but life gets so crazy sometimes that adding one more detail seems overwhelming.

My family continues to work on the big changes we are dealing with currently. All the changes are becoming a little more realistic and I've been so tired lately dealing with everything, emotionally and physically.

Really now, should I be waiting for my son's 8pm bedtime so I can get in bed by 8:30? I swear my nights use to START later than that!

My family is still coming into a very new exciting, scary, happy, sad time. I am experiencing every emotion right now and just hope that we are making the right choices together.

If you can't tell...I am HORRIBLE with change.

I am going to be experiencing a lot of it.

Am I 98% excited and 2% scared....or 98% scared and 2% excited???

I'm not entirely sure.

So I'll keep praying about it. He knows what will happen so all I can do is trust Him with everything.

continuing on....

I've been lazy about posting my successes with this challenge.

I'm using the "sick" excuse as I am suffering from a major head cold and dealing with a double ear infection in a 1 1/2 year old.

Not excuses...just explanations =)

My challenge of leaving a note went very well! I modified it a little and wrote with dry erase marker on his mirror in his bathroom a little message that I loved him. He came upstairs with a huge smile on his face and said "what are you doing writing on my mirror?"

It was priceless

And such a little gesture to make such a big difference!

I am continuing to try and work on this challenge and better myself in our marriage. We have some difficult decisions ahead of us that involve major changes that I am very nervous about. I am praying we can make the right decisions and that we will get through these changes together.

Have I mentioned I hate change?

I am excited to start the love dare after all of this too. We actually purchased the book last year around this time while attending an ALPHA course at a local church. I loved the idea of it and wanted to try it, but I simply did not have the strength last year as it was just the beginning of the end of our separation. I pray for the strength to complete it this year and for the opportunity to continue to make my marriage grow.

Check out the challenges here....http://womensmarriageministry.blogspot.com/

Day 4, 5, 6??

I'm still lost on my days, catching up and staying on the correct day wasn't as easy as I thought, but I am continuing to do the challenges, maybe just not in the correct order...

I was a little uncomfortable about doing the muscle challenge. It just felt really awkward to me for some reason. Turns out...it wasn't! It was easy to slip in a comment about his "manly muscles" as I laid down to snuggle against him last night, fit right in and didn't sound dumb at all! I definitely didn't miss the little smile on his face afterwards either...success again!

It also gave us a good opportunity to discuss our "fight" the other morning and I was able to communicate to him why it meant so much to me when he helped me out with things like that...rather than accuse him of not doing enough, never helping, the usually complaints that usually produce negative energy between us. It was a good conversation and I feel so much better.

A lot of times at nights we will be watching our separate programs on tv because our interests are not quite the same (believe it or not!) So last night, even though I suggested what I wanted to watch (which he of course vetoed) I laid with him and watched a program with him of his choice. Who knew I would enjoy it so much? And what was great was that I truly did! I might have been more caught up in it than he was...go figure.

So I think I'm caught up to day 7 now where I leave him a note.

Lesson #7

Leave a note for your husband that says, "Thank you for wanting to work hard for our family. Your desire & commitment makes me feel secure". Words are healing. Proverbs 16:24 says, "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

Hang in there. You are halfway through! Keep an open heart toward God. Let God act on your behalf in response to these plans. Proverbs 16:9 says, "The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps". http://womensmarriageministry.blogspot.com/

Shouldn't be to hard...I use to leave him little notes all the time and somewhere along the line quit doing it. Halfway through and going great so far!

(ok off subject...I also need help...how to I make so that websites I post are a link? Apparently I'm not great with blogging yet and can't figure it out!)

Day 3...or 4?

So I'm still a bit behind but slowly catching up. I'm not even quite sure what challenge I am on right now....

Already starting behind, then Sunday afternoon I came down with a 24 hour bug and spent Sunday night and Monday completely miserable...Then yesterday my son was not quite right so the day was spent with him. I still managed to fit in some of my challenges though...the strength of a woman! =)

I decided that for my hubby's meal I would make a good lunch for him Sunday. He had been fishing all weekend so what better then to come home to a home-cooked meal after eating junk for 3 days? Well, didn't go as planned. I had made beef stroganaff (one of his very favorites) and it was just finishing up as he came home (perfect timing!) My vison of him coming in and thanking me for the meal, what a great surprise it was and how hungry he was for a good meal did not happen. Instead it was more him laying down on his chair and saying "I am really hungry honey, but I'm so exhausted I think I need to sleep first." So he went to sleep and the meal went in the fridge. It was disappointing...knowing that I put an extra effort in and it seemed to go unnoticed and unappreciated. He did eat a huge helping later that evening, but the moment was ruined for me as I had already started feeling sick at that point and spent the rest of the night curled up in little ball, trying not to lose everything I ate that day.

He stepped up though and took care of all of our sons needs and they both came and sat down on the bed with me before bed. I casually slipped in, "Daddy takes such good care of you, isn't he a great dad" As far as I could see the comment went unnoticed. I didn't see a reaction. I was also not at my best at this point so I'm going to stay with my belief that he appreciated the comment.

So still working on the challenges...we were a little back tracked yesterday as we left the house screaming at each other about all things?? The dogs. Who is suppose to take care of them and whose dog is whose, and I'm not taking care of YOUR dog, well then I'm not taking care of YOUR dog. I think just writing it down right now really helps me see what a crazy conversation it was! Was that really what I was so upset about?? I'm almost embarrassed to even write it down. I guess it wasn't really worth being upset about, but truly I was upset most of the day!! I am still working on my own flaws and am just proud of myself for being able to see how ridiculous I was also being about the whole situation.

So I still have my muscles challenge to do, along with spending time doing something he enjoys. I have to say I'm already feeling a bit on edge about this muscle challenge, but that's why it is a challenge I guess! Guess I will see how he responds, but in my head I'm picturing him looking at me like I'm an idiot, or telling me to stop making fun of him. But....i guess my vison for the meal wasn't anywhere near the reality so I'll do it!

Day 1-2 complete

I was presently surprised about what such a little gesture could make such a big impact.
I did not greet my husband at the door as he was off work early and made it home before me, but after I took off my coat I went over and gave him a hug and let him know I missed him today and just wanted a hug from him. It turned into a joking around playful moment...we don't have enough of those these days!

Who knew all he needed was a hug? =)

Later when he went out grocery shopping he came back with a People magazine (my secret pleasure, but refuse to pay for the subscription)Just because....forget flowers...I just want People! It was a nice gesture and let me know he was thinking about me when he was out.

Next mission...dinner. Anyone who knows me knows I hate cooking so this is a big one for me. Make his favorite dish...he'll be shocked. Unfortunately he left for a fishing weekend today so it will have to wait till Sunday night. Gives me more time to plan.

This is getting to be an exciting challenge...I hate to fail so its a fun challenge and I enjoy doing it with other women who are working on bettering their marriages. First thing I wanted to do when I got on the computer this morning was check to see how everyone else's challenge went...especially after mine went so well!

I'm praying for myself and strangers doing a challenge with me. I love the thoughts today on love and respect from http://womensmarriageministry.blogspot.com/
Until last year I never thought about respecting my husband...I loved him and that was enough. I can see the wrong in that thinking now and I believe it makes me a much better wife being aware of it. If I strive to respect him, even when he is being unrespectable I will grow as a person and our marriage will continue to grow. Just as I hope he loves me even when I am being unlovable...although that would never happen...right? =)

(On a side note I have recieved 2 phonecalls and a text since leaving for work just letting me know he loves me and to have a good day)

back again...

It's been over a year.

I'm ready to write again.

My life is in very different place this year.

Thank God for that.

I'm not going into the adventures of the last year yet.

My old posts show what I went through

I am happy right now and thats the most important thing.

After finding a blog whose marriage story could actually understand my own

I decided to come back!

I'm doing the 14 day challenge

I figure if I blog about it I'll be more likely to keep it up

It's new and uncomfortable

I hate "giving in" or not getting my own way.

Probably what I need to work on most...

I will do this and I will succeed in continuing to make my marriage even better

Will start the challenge tonight

I'm already behind.

But I WILL do this...