Heavy Heart

I have learned that my godparents are getting divorced. I feel such a heaviness on my chest and have trouble breathing when I think about it. It seems he has been unfaithful and just walked away, after 27 years of marriage.

I read my godmother's words of her pain and I can't help but feel her pain with her. I have been there, seen those dark days and lonely nights. It is a feeling you do not wish on anyone or anything. Betrayal, loss, anger, sadness, grief, pain, numbness. I remember those feelings all to well and I hate seeing someone I care so much about go through it now.

I've reached out to her as someone who understands. I felt this urging to reach out to her and be that person, just because I know how important it was to me when I finally found someone who understood me. I had lots of family and friends THERE for me, but I needed someone who UNDERSTOOD me. I know it was God pushing me to be there in this situation. That maybe good things can come out of horrible situations.
I feel so lucky that my marriage has come to the point it has and that the last couple years have been survived and are most importantly behind us. I love my husband more than anything and our relationship is at a better point than it has ever been....but the road to get to where we are now?

Not pretty.

At All.

And we're still traveling that road,not even close to the end and we are not anywhere near perfect. I think we will always be traveling the road. I think we should always be striving to make our marriage better and better.

never in my life would I go back to those dark days. God only knows how I got through so many of the hard times because some of them I can't even clearly remember.

I feel all these emotions running back through me and I hate it, but it is different this time because it is not me...but someone who means so much to me.

It is different to be on the other side, but yet I still understand the darkness.

I sometimes feel like I can't breathe again.

I hate this, I hate that she is going through this, I hate him for doing this, And I am scared that I will never see him again at the same time.

I am praying for the right words to say to her so that I can help. I feel so helpless even though I KNOW my words can make a difference. Please pray that I get them right.

Slacker

I've been majorly slacking on updating my blog. Unfortunately I've also slacked on starting the Love Dare and am upset I haven't started that either.

I shouldn't need the daily encouragement to make my marriage better, but life gets so crazy sometimes that adding one more detail seems overwhelming.

My family continues to work on the big changes we are dealing with currently. All the changes are becoming a little more realistic and I've been so tired lately dealing with everything, emotionally and physically.

Really now, should I be waiting for my son's 8pm bedtime so I can get in bed by 8:30? I swear my nights use to START later than that!

My family is still coming into a very new exciting, scary, happy, sad time. I am experiencing every emotion right now and just hope that we are making the right choices together.

If you can't tell...I am HORRIBLE with change.

I am going to be experiencing a lot of it.

Am I 98% excited and 2% scared....or 98% scared and 2% excited???

I'm not entirely sure.

So I'll keep praying about it. He knows what will happen so all I can do is trust Him with everything.